Background
Maxine's story
Maxine's story
I went into the Joseph Weld Hospice in Dorchester to get morphine and numerous other drugs. I met the staff who would deal with my palliative care until I died. I had a few days respite care to deal with the physical shock of the various medications.
I also started to visit Trimar day Hospice in Weymouth once a week for my pain control and special care. I had been there in 2000 and knew what they offered. I was given the nurse that I had had in 2000. Wendy knew me very well and never questioned my belief in a miracle. She always said if any one can fight this with their belief and faith in God it was me. She gave me hope.
Everyone was making provision for me. They were openly talking about what my needs would be for the short period of time that I had to live - a specialised chair, a bed and the other things that I physically required. It felt unreal, as if all these professionals were talking about some one else. You could say I was in a kind of denial.
Looking back I realise that I refused to accept reality. For me to get better I had to live in the realm of faith. That is very difficult. I knew that mentally I had to fight. I was in major turmoil. God told me that he was not concerned about my cancer. He was only concerned with making me a whole person. I have to say that I found this very confusing at first. I remember thinking, Well! You may not be concerned about the cancer but I am.
I had been given six months. This wasn't much time to put right what had taken me 47 years to get wrong. What difference could I make in six months? Yet although I was in denial of dying I had an overwhelming desire to get things in order.
I remember thinking once these professionals find out I am not dying then I am going to be in so much trouble. I felt like a fraud, yet I needed a full time carer as my strength was departing rapidly. I was losing weight very quickly. I needed specialized things they were providing as I could no longer get on and off the settee and in and out of the bath. I was unable to get out of bed with out the lift.
Then things began to happen.
Making it Happen
